Sometimes I think I am way too deep for my own good. I am forever looking for the hidden meaning or significance to every interaction that I have with people. No person comes into your life for no reason. Everyone has a purpose and everyone has a lesson to teach you. I'm not saying that every Tom, Dick and Harry you meet when you're out is going to make an immense impression on you but some of them will.
We all meet people in our lives whether they are friends or lovers and they help us shape who we are and remind us of what we are looking for. We can ignore the feeling and act like it was just some weird coincidence but if we do that then we really aren't looking at the real message that LIFE is trying to teach us. For me, I think that my insecurities can sometimes get the best of me and I end up forgetting how special I really am. I recently figured something out about this whole single life that I am currently living. Women are different. We are not wired like men are and we can try really hard to pretend that we are but we aren't. The end, no further discussion. Women are different creatures and not to say men are not looking for a connection with someone just as much as we are, we I feel search a little bit deeper than most men do. It’s fun to go out and meet new people and have a spark and hook up and see what happens but a lot of the time you can risk your heart getting hurt because at the end of the day a woman is looking for a forever. It's fun to pretend that there is never going to be anything that emotionally connects you to someone and fooling around is just what you're going to do but for us, it becomes more than that. Let me clarify, we are not falling head over heels in love with you, we are just CONNECTING with you on a much deeper level and it never should go unnoticed. I have had plenty of people I have “ connected” with in my life in one way or another that I knew deep down in my soul was not the fit for me but also knew the connection was there and it was not to be thrown away or treated lightly. Guys sometimes tend to ignore this feeling, or better said , connection that they may find with another girl and mistake it for “love” or infatuation when really all it is, is just a pretty fantastic friendship. Revelation I just came to terms with and I'm pretty stoked about and feel like huge growth is made on all levels of relationships with people.
I recently went out and talked to multiple different people about hook ups and “girls getting too attached” or them getting the wrong message from what was happening in the current situation. Let's get something straight. As I said earlier we are not wired like you are. We can not just go out looking for a one night stand and have it carry on and then expect it to mean
nothing. And hey girl if you think you can, good for you, you're gonna figure it out one day. Connections with people and good conversation and feelings are what make us learn things about ourselves. We realize things like, hey maybe I don't like guys with a big ford pick up truck and big gross beards. Maybe I like someone who can carry a conversation and have something to actually bring to the table rather than just a good time on a Friday night. All my life I thought I had a type or a preference in people because I never let myself realize that I am so much more than that. And so are you. You know what you want and you know the people that you meet in your lifetime are honestly only there to help you see that a little bit more clearly.
My friend said something tonight that I surely have learned in this last year, that we can not find what we are looking for until we find the security in ourselves first. We have to be happy in our own skin and in our own life to really find the happiness we are looking for in someone else. I am a pathetic hopeless romantic and swooned by honestly just about anything. I'm excited to have a guy buy me a beer at the bar or tell me I'm amazing when he hardly has even gotten to know my real surface. The thing is, I actually am starting to believe it now. There isn't a layer you need to dig deep into to discover what I am all about. I am fantastic and no I don't need to believe every single guy that tells me this but I am a surface person and what you see or hear is what you get. Whether you want to stick around and dig a little deeper is up to you. Timing doesn't always work out in our favor and life is a shit show most days. Situations are not always ideal and some people can make you second guess EVERYTHING you thought was right for you. These moments though are the best moments of your life. The ones that make you think and contemplate the scenarios and the what ifs or what could have beens. Aaah they are the ones movies are made about. I don't know about you but I feel like my life some days feels like it could be a movie and there is a song playing and a soundtrack you want to buy and remember all the scenes from that movie. The ending may not be the one you were hoping for, but you gotta watch it until the end. There is always a lesson. There is always something that is going to make you question why and if you ignore it you're gonna miss all the good stuff. If your ignore it your missing what it is teaching you. If I have learned anything in these last few months, it is that every single person no matter if they were meant to stay in my life forever or only for a little while was meant to fall into my life at the exact moment that they did. “Life is not merely a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences, but rather it is a tapestry of acts that culminate in an exquisite sublime plan.” Serendipity
-XO
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