I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, nothing is an accident. I know I have mentioned this in probably each one of my blogs that I have wrote but it is like the biggest reason I started this thing, to write my stories and lessons I have learned. I am a huge huge music person, I love music, all different kinds from old to new and country to rap and rock and roll. I could sit in my car on a long drive and hear a song and the lyrics its singing and associate it to some part of my life and start to feel everything it is saying to me. Sometimes I hear a song and it can change my entire mood. I often do a dance party with the kids if we are all a little grumpy and need to "shake it off" and get back to having a good time with our day. Other times I can hear a song and it can bring me to tears, literally make my heart melt and feel things that this tough girl doesn't always like to feel or show. As I mentioned in my last blog, there is totally a soundtrack to life, you just really have to listen to it. The songs come on when you least expect them too and they will make you feel a million and one different emotions. People have this way of surprising you like these songs that come on, ya just can't let yourself miss the message.
My life has been a complete flip flop of what I have ever imagined it was going to be with two kids at my age. I had no idea I would be a single Mom at 35 with two kids navigating through a dating world trying to meet people and search for some kind of a connection with them. The pandemic being at the beginning of my separation and the start of my single life made meeting someone a little complicated, also made it very easy to not let myself just settle for someone either. I have done the dating apps and met the people and had the dates, not tons but a handful and none that were horrifying but didn't ever find that huge spark I was looking for. Instead I have met people. Regular people like me who are actually out there looking for the same things and who are actually really awesome to know. I recently chatted with someone who had been so discouraged with the dating app experience and when it was my turn to share my experience I really had nothing bad to say. Did you find what you were looking for though? No, I was looking for some kind of a magical man who was going to turn into my soulmate and whisk me off my feet and live happily ever after. What I did find was friendship and connection and people to make memories with. Growing up in a small town and never going away to college has limited my friendship group to people who are from this area, and also my dating experience. What these "dating apps' ' have shown me is that there are so many more people out there who are just like me and the good ones aren't just looking to call me when the bar closes for a late night booty call.
Everything and everyone comes into your life and also exits your life right when they are meant to. Don't ever question that. I know I have and I have forced myself to make people stay because they were safe and made me feel better when I was feeling down but when it's their time to go, you gotta just say goodbye and be ready to welcome the next person. Life is short and something is always showing you peoples true colors and you just have to make sure you're not walking through life with your eyes closed or else you're going to waste time on people who don't deserve a second of yours. Don't regret it but learn from it and make sure you never make that mistake again because I know I have and it's getting old but I am getting better each time. I have been mad at the tears I have cried over the people who didn't deserve them and the years that have gone by where I have spent time in my life with people who didn't deserve to be in the same room as me let alone in a relationship with me or even a friendship for that matter. The important thing is, now, I am starting to figure it out and see the big picture. I'm still going to make the mistakes, there is no doubt about that but hopefully it won't take me so long in the future to realize that some people do not deserve all the credit that I tend to give people way too early on in the game.
I used to get sad about losing people in my life and I think it stemmed from not being okay with myself and being alone. After a while and one to many let downs the sting gets a little less painful and instead of bringing you to your knees it just gives you perspective and crossing people off in your life who don't deserve to be there becomes even more satisfying and actually makes you feel better. The ones who deserve to sit at your table will always earn their seat and never expect it. The ones who respect you will never disrespect you and never make you question anything. Make sure you're not walking through life looking for the ones who just make you feel good for the moment and look harder for the ones who make you feel good every time your with them. Everything happens for a reason, the songs are always changing and there are good people out there, chances are though, they aren't in your hometown.
-Xo
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